wilkes

My heart goes out to you bosox, it's a horrible situation to be in.
Especially after 10 years and you've trusted this person and probably felt safe in your relationship.
For the most part a lot of us have been in your shoes. I can personally say if children are involved it makes it even more difficult. I dealt with this a lot with my first husband and honestly you can forgive and take this person back, but it really comes down to if you can ever trust him again, can you ever move on from something like this and truely be happy. love really is blind, you can do everything right and never see something like that coming. It's a cruel thing for someone whom is suppose to be committed to you and claims they love you, to just throw it away for lust or whatever lame excuse they want to use.
But which ever way you choose, please don't say your broken.. Do not give anyone the pleasure of thinking they broke you. When we are at are least, is when we find self strength we never knew we had.
For me I had to grieve what felt like at the time was a loss, I found closure and I moved on... I wish you the best with everything your going through.

A "Man" that cheats...... was long gone in his mind, <That is he was and has been entertaining the idea of screwing someone else for a long time>...... Men who cheat are long gone mentally....before we actually did the deed......So one must look way back in time to find the root cause of when the "MAN" choose to take another road......

There is two sides to every fence if they don't try to sit down and communicator they can always tell each other what is wrong with the marriage. If it is not talked out than the problem is still there, that does not give anyone the right to cheat. If you feel the marriage can't be saved then tell your spouse and then file for separation papers then date. If you have ever been on the end of the cheating process and you find out your spouse is cheating on you that is one major down fall in your live you will never forget. That happened to me and I divorced the creep. I will never forget it took ten years to come back around on the girl he cheated with but he got her the same way he did me, after they got married. I almost felt sorry for her and then I had to laugh.

It's not always the cheaters fault.

Dude. Yes. It is always the cheaters fault. If someone isn't man enough to own up and accept the blame for their own actions, then they're even worse then a cheater. They are well....not man enough. Mistakes can be forgiven, but you really need to accept the responsibility or you aren't really worth the effort.

Don't let anyone convince you either way. You are the one that has to live with your decisions. You are the one that knows if you are capable of forgiving your husband. Only you. I do know that good people can sometimes make bad decisions.....but then again so can bad people so....

Great post Chendo! People that justify infidelity by the actions of their spouse are wrong. The other party may be doing all manner of things to create a dismal relationship, it still doesn't give the person the right to cheat. They should get out first and pursue what they feel is lacking. I have heard so many people that have been cheated on, like the OP stated, that thought everything was fine. They apparently didn't get the "memo" that the marriage was over before the cheater decided to look for greener pastures.

"He must have found something he wasn't getting at home. Sex,attention, or more. It's not always the cheaters fault."

I just went through this myself. It's not fun in the least. I found out when he slipped and called me by another girls name while half asleep. His excuse he must have been dreaming and I couldn't hold his subconscious mind against him. He found out that I can and will do so. I don't trust easy to begin with and for him to break my trust once I just can't trust him not to do so again

He must have found something he wasn't getting at home. Sex,attention, or more. It's not always the cheaters fault.

happened to me twice that's way I have wife # 3. if she does it there want be a 4. I couldn't get over it no matter how hard I tried. the swinging thing doesn't work ether !

I have went through this,My heart was broke.We had a good marriage I thought.We were separated eight months,Then he wonted to come back.I knew I had to let things go and never bring it up.We have been togather thirteen yrs,But there is not a day goes by that I don't think about it.My trust is not there yet and I don't know if it will ever be.I just put it all in Gods hands.I hope you can put your marriage back togather,Good luck.

It appears no one has suggested prayer.

Heathens.

Lots of praying and soul searching. If you decide to forgive, then you must be able to keep it in the past. It never works if you keep throwing it up to his face. It would be hard not to think of it when you get those insecure feelings caused by your mates actions. You have to be strong and decide for yourself if your able to forgive and move forward, leaving this in the past. If you can't then I think you have your answer. If more people would just ask themselves...now would I want my wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband...doing this? Good Luck....been there and its not going to be easy either way when theres love involved. Prayers for you.

It's really up to you two on what the next step is.

I my opinion, at least try therapy.

Some couples have had these mishaps and continue to live happy lives. Others aren't so graceful and end with divorce. If children are involved, think of them also.

I've never been in your shoes, on the marital stand point, but have been cheated on before. It still hurt even when it wasn't a surprise.

Just know, this too shall pass. Prayers.

For me love is trust and i dont do jealousy so once the trust is gone so is everything else. When i love (which isn't often but 100%) im totally faithful and not jealous but if im betrayed im done period because the relationship or myself will never be the same again!! I may be stupid or naive but i believe in the fairytail type of love atleast thats what i give out. But im also alone raising a daughter by myself.

My wife left me after 23 years for another man.hardest thing I ever went threw.Dont love anyone then u want get hurt.

Igotworms, OC has a heart and he is loyal as can be. They don't make em like him anymore.